Category Archives: premarital counseling

Counselor in New Milford NJ

Premarital counseling in New Milford NJ

Counselor in New Milford NJ

Counselor in New Milford NJ

Few things are as vital to your life’s happiness, productivity, and satisfaction than having a successful marriage. It makes sense to be as prepared as possible, and that is why we at Mars & Venus are pleased to provide premarital counseling. Using as a foundation, the unparalleled wisdom and common sense that made the landmark book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” written by Dr. John Gray, our counselor in New Milford NJ will help you and your future spouse to take the steps that will put you in good stead for a marriage that can last a lifetime.

How often is it that what starts out as a small misunderstanding can turn into a major fight? Unfortunately, the pressures of everyday life, along with the differences that men and women naturally have in how they view things, can lead to assigning blame instead of working together as a team to solve the problem. Our counselor in New Milford NJ will help you both to translate not just what they other says, but what they mean. In order to promote the strongest relationship possible, it is necessary to argue in a way that is positive. Yes, arguments are inevitable. But how they are conducted and the way you each treat each other both during and after go a long way toward determining if the outcome is one that moves the two of your forward together or pushes you further apart. The truth is that having a strong marriage is something that you have to put some effort into. But the other truth is that what you’ll get from that effort is more than worth the time you spend with our counselor in New Milford NJ.

Our goal is not just to keep you two together, but for it to be of mutual benefit. Schedule a session by calling our office today.

691 Cedar Lane
Teaneck, New Jersey 07666
(201) 467-4173

Couples Counseling in Teaneck

Teaneck NJ Couples Counselor

At Mars & Venus, couples counseling in Teaneck is offered to support those in a relationship who may be considering separation, or seeking improved intimacy and understanding.  Although your relationship is the main focus in couples counseling, you should also expect to focus on self-awareness and self-improvement.  Our relationship experts recommend couples counseling for various reasons, including power struggles and communication problems, infidelity, and sexual dissatisfaction.  Although we recommend counseling as soon as discontent is felt in your relationship, recent studies have shown that on average, partners won’t seek therapy until they have been unhappy for at least six years.  Yet, the more time that has passed, the more difficult it may be to actually repair the relationship.  In some cases, we see couples who have already made the decision to separate, and are pursuing therapy in order to end the relationship respectfully and amicably.

Our effective couples counseling in Teaneck will address many aspects of your relationship, although communication tends to be the main focus of relationship therapy.  When you consistently engage in conflict avoidance, or take on heated power struggles, communication problems are the result, resentment builds, and repairs are never made.  Research has shown that the lack of adequate repair following an argument, is the biggest contributor to marital unhappiness and divorce.  Our well-educated counselors know that one of the first steps in improving your relationship is to teach both partners how to regulate their emotions, stay calm, and use healthy communication skills in order to resolve new and old problems.

Successful couples counseling in Teaneck depends on each partner’s motivation and dedication to the process.  Through this process, you can expect to become better listeners and communicators, as well as find new ways to support each other.  Specific goals will be established by the couple under the expert guidance of our therapist.  In order to achieve these objectives, you should both be prepared to not only acknowledge, but understand your particular role in your relationship. It is not uncommon for conflict to arise within counseling sessions, but our ethical therapists strive to remain neutral and avoid taking sides.  Many couples see their communication improved as a result of couples counseling.

Couples Counselor Teaneck
691 Cedar Lane
Teaneck, New Jersey 07666
(201) 467-4173

Teaneck Marriage Therapist

Pre-Marital Counseling in Teaneck

Teaneck marriage therapist

Teaneck marriage therapist

Getting married is a major milestone in life and many people look forward to the day where they can finally marry the person that they love. But getting married is more than just a fairy tale, however, and it does take a lot of work and understanding in order for a marriage to be successful. With the divorce rate at a pretty unfavorable high in this country, it is not at all unusual for couples to feel afraid or uncertain about an upcoming marriage because of the statistics. Here at Mars & Venus our Teaneck marriage therapist can help you and your fiancée prepare with pre-marital counseling and marriage therapy to help.

There are plenty of things to consider before making the commitment to marry someone else. Love does play a huge part of it, but love takes work, understanding, and above all communication. In order to really trust your partner and in order to understand one another on a whole other level, you may need to see a specialist who can help. Here at
Mars & Venus, our Teaneck marriage therapist can help provide you with pre-marriage counseling that can help you prepare for your upcoming commitment. Using the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, our therapist will apply relevant concepts and methods of Dr. John Gray to your specific situation. Each person is different, thus making every couple different. Our therapist will work with you, get to know you as a couple and will tailor your pre-marriage counseling in order to meet your temperaments as well as your expectations. If you have any problems or relationship issues, our therapist can help you address and resolve them prior to getting married. Once you and your spouse-to-be undergo pre-marital counseling, you will be better prepared to handle whatever comes your way once you finally get married.

If you are considering getting married but want to make sure that you are prepared to make the commitment with the person that you love, then our Teaneck marriage therapist can provide you with the advice and guidance that you may need to help you along. Call us here at Mars & Venus to schedule an appointment today.

691 Cedar Lane,
Teaneck, New Jersey 07666
(201) 467-4173

Assuming the Positive with Your Partner in Bergen County, Northern NJ

You give your favorite politicians the benefit of the doubt—why not your partner?

The political season is upon us—whether we like it or not—and, if we are like most people, we will tend to favor one political party, candidate, or political view over another. If our party or candidate has a particular stand on the economy, foreign affairs, healthcare, same sex relationships, etc., we believe that they are correct. Whenever our party or candidate takes a position, we tend to support it completely and loudly profess the other point of view as misguided thinking.

Even if our political party or candidate does something questionable, we will find ways to immediately defend them. We will hunt down any reason that our preferred political analysts will conjure up to make what they said or did seem okay. We will say that the other side has made far stupider mistakes, is far less experienced in these important matters, is ethically challenged, or that our party’s problems were inherited. We may even exclaim that the political strategy is misunderstood because it’s ahead of its time and, therefore, brilliant. We are quick to put our party or candidate in a positive light, assume the best in our party or candidate, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Such is the art and science of the political spin.

How different it is in with our partners! What we normally do with politics is the exact opposite of what we do in our relationships. How far more likely is it for us to be critical, hurt or resentful when our partners do something we dislike. We walk around thinking about what our partner did and what was wrong about it. We are quick to see him or her in a negative light and put a negative spin on everything they do or say. Imagine how much happier we would be if we can put a political spin on what our partners do in our relationships as quickly as we do with our political party or candidates.

Negative Spin: He doesn’t like to share his feelings with me.
Political Spin: He likes to get right to the point as a way to help me. He prefers to show me that he loves me in non-verbal ways.

Negative Spin: He never spends any time with me! He’s bored with me.
Political Spin: He is working hard to provide for us. He loves me. I am so appreciative of all he does for us.

Negative Spin: There she goes again—nag, nag, nag.
Political Spin: She is helping me remember and keeping me organized so I can focus on other things. She has my back.

Negative Spin: She’s always telling me what to do or say. She doesn’t trust me.
Political Spin: She does trust me. It’s just her way of being supportive and trying to make things easier for me by sharing information she believes will get good results.

Whatever your partner says or does, put a political spin on it. See their actions or words only in a positive light. When you put your partner only in a positive light, you don’t get defensive. You don’t get angry. You don’t assume they are disrespecting you, that they don’t care about you or that they are not interested in you.

Try to listen to and understand them from the belief that “I know my partner loves me, and I know my partner wants the best for me.” You will be amazed at how your feelings toward your partner become much more calming and reassuring. When we can put a political spin on what our partner does in a relationship and assume the positive in every act or word, we will have a much better relationship.

Share this information with your partner. Both of you practice the above strategy. Challenge yourselves: How can you turn your partner’s negative into a positive? Continue to do this and, on election night, give each other a great victory speech.

Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW is the director of the Mars & Venus Counseling Center. Contact us if you feel stuck and need professional help to create the relationships of your dreams.

Child Rearing in Allendale, Bergen County, NJ

Morrisa Drobnick, LCSW, staff writer and advice columnist of “KIDS Magazine,” answers the following:

Q. I thought my husband would be different as a parent. I find myself disappointed in him a lot of the time. We seem to approach all aspects of parenting from different sides. We need some help on making this a partnership.

A. No matter how well-grounded a marriage is, disappointment can easily emerge in the transition to parenthood.

It’s important for you and your spouse to treat your different parenting styles as assets. Make sure you both communicate. When you feel tension, discuss it right away. Don’t let anger linger. Be easy on yourself and each other. Try to remember you are in this together. Enjoy your children together. Watch your spouse laugh and have fun with your children. Just as children grow, so does your relationship.

The child rearing years can be the biggest challenge to your partnership. If you make peace with this reality of parenting, you may unexpectedly find that you get your wish.

Mars & Venus Counseling Center is always here for you. Call us at 201-692-0508.

 

 

Teaneck Pre-Marital Counseling

Pre-Marital Counseling in Teaneck NJ

Marriage is a huge step for anyone considering it. While it can be an enhancement to your life, leading to many years of happiness, this does not happen by chance. A marriage contains many moving parts and thats why Mars & Venus wants to help you and your future spouse. Using the unparalleled wisdom exhibited in Dr. John Gray’s landmark book, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” our Teaneck pre-marital counseling is focused on giving the two of you the direction and guidance that will lay a solid foundation for your marriage to be strong, filled with love and mutual respect.

It is undeniable that marriage changes a relationship. Even if you’re currently living with your future spouse, the commitment that marriage represents is something that exerts significant gravity. Our Teaneck pre-marital counseling will give you that crucial road map, like a GPS for your relationship, keeping you both headed in the same direction and helping you to understand each other’s wants, needs, and motivations.

We know that when the two of you take the time and put in the effort to participate in our Teaneck pre-marital counseling, you’ve already taken one giant step in the right direction. Too often, what should be minor disagreements can turn into full blown arguments and the tendency is to blame each other instead of trying to solve the problem at hand. We work with you to help you find common ground with each other, build bridges, and help you to understand the obstacles that can derail a marriage if they’re not avoided. Whether you’re currently dealing with relationship challenges or you simply want to prevent future challenges from resulting in threats to your happiness, we’re confident that we can help and greatly increase your odds of a more fulfilling marriage. Call us today and schedule a session.

Pre-Marital Counselor Teaneck
691 Cedar Lane
Teaneck, New Jersey 07666
(201) 467-4173

 

 

 

 

15 Tips to Prepare Siblings for the Baby’s Arrival

15 Tips to Prepare Siblings for the Baby’s Arrival – Bergen County, Northern, NJ
By Morrisa Drobnick, LCSW

The amount and time of preparation for a new baby depends upon whether your child likes to look forward to things or gets too impatient if told about things too soon. Do, however, start as soon as the child is able to recognize the pregnancy.

The following 15 tips are offered to help in the preparation of your child(ren) for this important event.

1. Present the new baby from a child’s point of view. Discuss that babies are cute, but they can also be a lot of trouble. They cry a lot, mess their diapers, spit up, and smell bad. They demand a lot of attention because they must be fed, bathed, diapered, etc. If and when the child feels left out or jealous, encourage him to go to you and talk about it. Let them know that you understand that it’s not easy to share.

2. If a move to a new room or bed is needed, do this as early as possible in the pregnancy, so the child has less reason to feel “shoved out” when the baby arrives.

3. Let the child share by participating in discussions of how the baby will be cared for, what things he will need, where he will sleep, etc. Let him help get things ready for the new baby. Include the child on shopping expeditions for baby. Whenever possible, let him pick out things for the baby.

4. Show the child picture books about new babies and, if possible, visit in a home that has an infant, so that he realizes this is not going to be an instant playmate.

5. Talk with the child about the advantages of either sex and the unpredictability of this, so he won’t have his heart set on one or the other.

6. Take the child along on at least one visit to the doctor’s office for a prenatal visit. Let him hear the baby’s heartbeat, for instance.

7. Tell the child about Mom and Dad’s going to the hospital in the middle of day or night, and that this is part of the unpredictability of a baby’s birth. He needs to know who will be caring for him at that time and during the remainder of the hospital stay.

8. Whenever possible, let children to visit Mom and the new baby while they are still in the hospital. Phoning frequently will also be a tremendous help.

9. It’s a good idea to have a present (a new doll is ideal) to give to your child when you bring the new baby home from the hospital.

10. When friends come to call, encourage them to include the older child in the excitement as well. Let the child show the baby off to the company if he likes to.

11. Allow even the youngest child to hold the baby. This can be done sitting on the floor with carpet or a blanket, in the middle of the bed, or in a large stuffed chair. Also, allow him to help to whatever extent he can – fetching diapers, bottle, etc.

12. Father can help a great deal by spending time with the older child first when he gets home from work.

13. Mothers, too, should remember to spend precious alone time with older child as often as possible.

14. Jealousy may be expressed indirectly by showing too much concern and affection for the baby, refusing to go to school, demanding Mom’s attention, exhibiting naughty behavior, not eating, not sleeping, or by loss of toilet training, etc. Or, it may be expressed quite openly by a preschooler’s physical attacks on the baby. For this reason, it is best never to leave them alone together!

15. Be careful not to impose on an older sibling by turning him into a constant babysitter or by giving him responsibilities concerning the baby that are beyond his capabilities.

Stress and the Need for Counseling in Bergen County

• Do you feel constantly stressed out and on edge?
• Or are you tired of your partner having a short fuse with you?
• Is stress negatively affecting your relationships?
• Are you constantly arguing?
• Are you feeling tired and fatigued all the time?
• Are you having difficulty falling and staying asleep?
• Is stress making you sick?
• Are you having trouble concentrating?
• Are you moody and irritable much of time?
• Do you experience constant stress?

Imagine what it would be like if you understood how to better cope with stress, and how to help the other cope with stress more effectively as well. How would it feel to have a warm, loving and supportive relationship with your partner once again? To not be anxious all the time or to feel like you are walking on eggshells? How would it feel to be in a relationship in which you truly felt supported and understood? This doesn’t have to live only in your imagination. It can be your reality. You can have a less stressful life and a more satisfying relationship.

When you need professional counseling for stress and anxiety, please contact us at the Mars & Venus Counseling Center.